


Bribery Does Not Look Good

by EdgeofFear



Category: teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Curly Fries, Fake bribery, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Pure Crack, Tumblr Prompt, otp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2018-02-08 12:03:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1940373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdgeofFear/pseuds/EdgeofFear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Burgers and fries are supposed to be a cheat food. <br/>And because they’re a cheat food, they’re supposed to be enjoyed, because John can only ever get them with Stiles once in a while, and Parish is totally on Stiles’ side so he can’t sneak them at work as much as he used to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bribery Does Not Look Good

**Author's Note:**

> This is from This post on Tumblr; http://swingsetindecember.tumblr.com/post/49479304775/guys-guys-did-you-know-i-just-realized-the  
> I seriously suggest you guys go and follow the blog, it's amazing and the owner is pretty awesome too.   
> Anyway, it's late, I'm overtired, and this seemed like a good thing to do.

Burgers and fries are supposed to be a cheat food.

And _because_ they’re a cheat food, they’re supposed to be enjoyed, because John can only ever get them with Stiles once in a while, and Parish is totally on Stiles’ side so he can’t sneak them at work as much as he used to.

So when Stiles says, “Hey Dad I’m getting burgers and curly fries for dinner!” as he runs out the door John is absolutely delighted, if a little confused; they had fries and burgers a week ago, and Stiles usually waits a lot longer before offering them again. But he’s not going to complain, either.

Until Stiles comes back with the burgers and fries—which John can smell as soon as Stiles opens the front door and _goddamn_ that is a wonderful smell—with Derek Hale trailing behind him.

“Stiles.” John barks, getting up. Hale is a _past murder suspect_ and a _werewolf_ and what is he _doing in John’s house_?

“Yeah, so, Dad. Ugh, you know Derek, right? Well, ha, remember a couple weeks ago when you asked me about my boyfriend?” And yes, John remembers that because Stiles _choked on his rice_ and John had to actually give his flailing seventeen year old the Heimlich maneuver. Pretty unforgettable.

“Stiles,” John sighs, because he’s not a stupid man and those two sentences can be summed down to one he _really does not_ want to hear.

“Okay, no, Dad, wait. Let’s eat first, okay, and um. Talk? And then you can make any judgments you want to make, okay? Awesome! C’mon Derek.” Stiles grabs Derek’s sleeve halfway through his babble-and-flail routine and starts dragging him into the kitchen. John follows, however reluctantly. For the first time he can remember, he’s not looking forward to the curly fries and burgers currently awaiting him.

To say dinner is a strained, horribly awkward affair would be like saying Stiles is a _little_ hyper.

Total and complete understatement.

They eat in complete, awkward silence, and after about half of his burger is gone John puts it down and sighs.

Honestly, his kid.

“Okay, look,” He starts, and both Stiles and Derek snap to face him. “I am _not_ happy about this. I am not _okay_ with it. If you,” He points an accusing finger to Derek, “really want to be with my _underage son_ , you will have to be okay with some ground rules.” Because Stiles is _seventeen_ and he’ll be _eighteen_ soon and John would honestly like to not have a falling out with him after everything they’ve gone through.

Plus he’s too much like Claudia to ever really back down from anything he wants, and too much like John to not find a way around any obstacles, including John himself.

Derek nods hurriedly and forces out, “Of course, sir.” And Christ, John can’t believe that this is the same Derek Hale that turns into a werewolf.

John lays down his rules; no night-visits, no sleepovers, Stiles’ door stays open when Derek’s there, if they go out they have to tell John _exactly_ where they will be and what they will be doing, and if Derek doesn’t have Stiles home by whatever curfew John feels like setting, it’s over.

“And,” John adds, “I have a gun, a license, and _brand new_ wolfsbane bullets. Also I hear Chris Argent is pretty good at hiding bodies.”

Stiles erupts, which John ignores because he’s had seventeen years of it. Derek goes so pale that John is almost worried he’s actually going to faint.

It’s hilarious, but it doesn’t make up for the fact that his wonderfully hot, crispy curly fries have gone cold and soggy. He shoves them over to Stiles and stands.

“You need to be out of here by ten, and the door _stays open, Stiles_.” He says as he leaves the room to watch some television. Where he has a decent view of the stairs. And Stiles’ bedroom door.

~

It’s a week later when Derek Hale knocks on the window of John’s cruiser. John had been watching for speeders (okay so he’d been doing a crossword, whatever) and the sudden loud, sharp sound has him jumping and reaching for his gun.

He sees Derek before he even has the gun drawn, though, and Derek looks _miserable_. It’s raining outside and has been for two hours, and Derek looks like a drowned rat. John leans over and opens the door for him.

“Thanks.” Derek says as he gets in and shakes off _like a dog_ , and John doesn’t understand his son’s restraint in the _easy_ dog jokes.

“What d’ya want, Derek?” He asks instead of making a joke, and Derek looks at the floor as he pulls a very familiar white paper bag from his jacket and hands it over.

John is so surprised that he takes it and nearly drops it. He looks in and sure enough, two orders of curly fries, extra cheese for both.

John smiles before he catches himself, and when he looks up his face is schooled into his Cop Face.

“Bribery does _not_ look good, Derek.” He says, and Derek cracks a wry smile and shakes his head.

“Figured. No, I know Stiles banned them from the house for the foreseeable future, and he told me that your deputies are on his side. Figured you could use someone on yours.” He says, and John’s pretty sure that’s the most Derek has ever said to him in one go.

But it’s also the best thing he’s ever said to him, so John just grins and hands him one of the orders of fries.

“You’re still too old for my kid.” He says as he pulls his fries out and drenches them in cheese. “But I think I like you a bit better.”

Derek smiles again, just a little bit, and John toasts to it by tapping Derek’s fries with his.

 


End file.
